Four Doorways
December has a way of telling us it’s time to wrap things up. Calendars. Projects. Gifts. Loose ends. This SMALL STEP isn’t about doing one more thing for someone else. It’s about offering yourself a quieter kind of gift. It was prompted by the holiday season—and by the way this time of year can bring people we’ve lost closer to the surface.
Sometimes with warmth. Sometimes with complexity. Sometimes with a mix of feelings that don’t need fixing or polishing, just a little room to breathe.
If someone in your life has died—recently or long ago—and thinking about them brings up stuff, this invitation is for you. Not to gloss over anything. Not to tidy the story. Just to notice what might help you feel a little more settled in your own corner of the world.
If you want forward motion, here’s permission. If you want connection, here’s a way to give. If you want closure, here are some doorways. If you want containment, here’s a box.
This SMALL STEP offers four doorways. These ideas were inspired by the Beyond the Gravestone resources we created spanning all types of relationships.
You don’t need to walk through all four. You don’t need to walk through any right now.
Notice which one tugs. That tug might be the breadcrumb to follow now or in 2026.
Doorway #1: Donate $ or an Item
Sometimes what remains after someone dies isn’t purely sentimental—it’s complicated.
This doorway is about redirecting energy that no longer needs to live inside you.
This could look like:
Gifting or donating an item you inherited but don’t want to keep
Letting go of something tied to a chapter you can’t change—but don’t want to carry so heavily
Donating money in a way that supports you like the suggestion below
A friend recently shared a memory of a parent whose addiction deeply affected their family. Together, we wondered: What if donating to a non-profit that supports people and families navigating that addiction could be a way to acknowledge the impact—without letting it define the present?
The release valve is sometimes quieter than expected.
Doorway #2: Create a Letting Go Box
This doorway is about containment—not decisions.
Gather items (big or small) that carry emotional weight and place them in a box. They’re not gone. They’re just not everywhere.
That box might:
Wait for a future ritual
Become a source of meaningful gifts later
Simply give you back some breathing room in your home and your heart
Out of sight doesn’t mean erased. It’s held in a place for when you’re ready.
Doorway #3: Celebrate Your Next Steps
This doorway gently shifts the focus from who they were…to who you are becoming.
An older gentleman shared recently, he feels his late wife is likely happy for him—not due to some grand achievement, but of how he’s created his life these days: expanding his world and friend circle, exploring and staying curious.
This could be as simple as:
Naming a way you’ve grown
Marking a quiet milestone
Acknowledging that continuing on is an act of courage
Did you catch that? Continuing on—not moving on. Continuing is expanding and growing as you live.
Doorway #4: Do Something Kind
This doorway offers up ideas to do for someone else. There’s something fundamentally different about kindness we give to others.
This doorway might look like:
Helping someone in need
Supporting a cause tangential to who they were
Offering care in a way that feels aligned with your values.
You might do it:
In honor of someone you loved
In recognition of something difficult
Simply because giving outward helps settle something inward
Kindness can hold complexity without needing to explain it.
What to Do With This—Now (or Later)
If one of these doorways tugs, follow it gently. If none do, that’s information too. Save this newsletter for later and return when the mood strikes ya, or download the Beyond the Gravestone resources for a bundle of other ideas.
There’s no expiration date on remembering—or on tending to yourself.
On that note, if someone in your orbit is navigating loss, sorting belongings, planning a celebration of life—or sitting with a relationship that was anything but simple—you might share this SMALL STEP or our grief resources with them.
A simple “This made me think of you” can be enough.
Sharing is caring (of course, only if it feels right).
If you do try one of these doorways and discover something you’d add to the list, we’d love to hear about it so we can pass it along.